Exquisitely Wasted

Just for Chris

2011-11-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

Almost two years later, lots of back and forth with what my email address and password are, I'm back because of Chris. He doesn't like looking at my left nostril anymore, although I can't understand why not. It's lovely and deformed.

Anyway, here is something far more fun to look at. It's me and Ned with Maroon 5, we snuck in because we're cool like that!

I will try to be here just for you Chris, but I never seem to have any damn time to do anything anymore!! But at least you don't have to look at my nose now.

My Left Nostril

2010-01-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

Christy Brown can have his Left Foot, I have my Left Nostril! Seriously, what is up with my left nostril being tiny compared to the other one?

So today I woke up with a big fat lip that was caused by a spot on my lip. A spot. A spot turned half my mouth into half of Angelina Jolie's mouth. Who the hell would want to get collagen injections when it makes you look deformed like this?

Anyway, I took this picture to document my swollen lip and as I looked at it I thought, "holy crap, what is up with my left nostril?!" Now I feel slightly deformed and think that it may have caused a disadvantage in my life. I don't know what but I want you all to feel sorry for me and not laugh at me and my deformed nostril.

The spot appeared above my lip (it is not a cold sore) on Thursday. I believe this was a stress spot because I had just crashed my car after skidding on a sheet of ice. Why anyone wants to put a sheet of ice on the damn streets is beyond me, but this is what I slid on. And caused nearly $2,000 of damage to my car from crashing into the curb. Yes yes, I know, thank God Ned and I were not hurt, thank God we didn't hit anyone else. But seriously! $2,000? And I have to pay the first $500 for my deductible. So I guess I was sort of stressed out. And the spot appeared. And yesterday it got worse. So, I may or may not have tried to squeeze it as hard as I possibly could, and this may or may not have caused the swelling. Whatever, I am not liable for anything!

The only good thing that happened is that today I got all my hair chopped off and love it, although I am not loving the big scabby spot above my lip!

Happy Weekend

2010-01-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

About a year and a half ago when I resided on a different blog, some chicky posts a comment on my blog and says "hey, I live in Nevada too, we should be friends!". I am thinking, girlfriend, I am never going to meet you, you live in Vegas, I live in Reno, we are an 8 hour drive from each other.

Silly, silly me!

So, I get this email from Shelly last year saying that her husband is coming up to the air races and she is going to come with him and see me. Um, okay, I think! What do I know about this person, except for she sometimes posts on a blog called Seriously, Shelly, and she likes to drink? Oh, she likes to drink, who cares if she is an axe wielding lunatic who will stalk me forever! She drinks!!!!

That was my first visit from Shelly. Before Christmas I got another email saying, hey, I'm coming up to see you because I have a free air ticket! Hmm, more drinking me thinks!

Shelly arrived on Saturday and we had a great weekend, that was full of pasta, wine, martinis, Thai food, drinks at a bar with guys we have never met, going to bed on time (I love you Shelly for not making me stay up past my bed time!), taking cleavage photos, eating Sunday breakfast at Mel's Diner at noon, shopping at Target, good food, more martinis, laughing at the Golden Globes.

Yes, I am in love with Shelly! We had a blast and it was so much fun! Next on the list is a trip to Tahoe with Shelly and Christy (girl, where is your blog for I have lost it!) because I don't have the money to go visit Christy in New Hampshire!

And now, I must detox for the next four weeks to get my liver functioning again!

Really Pat Robertson?

2010-01-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

Why is this man who proclaims to be a Christian such a horrible, horrible person? Why is he so judgmental over others when the Bible teaches us not to judge anyone? There is only one judge and thank the Lord it is not Pat Robertson!

On the January 13, 2010 broadcast of The 700 Club, Robertson blamed Haiti's 1791 slave rebellion and the vodou origins of the Haitian Revolution for the Haitian Earthquake of January 12, 2010, telling viewers of his Christian Broadcasting Network, "[S]omething happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it, they were under the heel of the French, uh, you know, Napoleon the third and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil, they said, we will serve you, if you get us free from the French, true story. And so the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' And they kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free, and ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor."

Thankfully our President does not agree and is willing to send all the help necessary to assist with this awful tragedy.

And anyone who says that Scotland is a dark land overrun by homosexuals has never got it on with a hunky Scottish man! Or, maybe he has.......!!!

Pass

2010-01-11T16:35:00.001-08:00

I have absolutely nothing of interest to write so I am urging you all to go to my lovely friend Welshy's blog and read this post, because it is absolutely hysterical:

http://asgoodasarest.blogspot.com/2010/01/surpassing-myself.

Online Dating

2010-01-07T09:00:00.001-08:00

I quietly decided a few weeks ago that I am not interested in finding a man to share my life with. The main reason for this is I quite like my life just the way it is and I am not prepared to change it for anyone. Selfish, I know, but it is just the way I feel right now. I will probably change my mind in 6 months when the winter has gone and I have hopefully shed a few pounds but for now, I am happy with my day to day routine and I do not want to have to take anyone else into consideration other than Ned and myself.

In the meantime I had forgotten to take down my profile on an online dating site that I have been on for years, goodness knows why because only losers ever contact me through there. And last night I received a reminder of why I should not be on this site:

Loser: wanna get high with me?
Me: what?
Loser: wanna get high with me?
Me: no thanks, I don't get high
Loser: wanna get loaded honey?
Me: um, no, I don't get loaded, wasted, stoned, high or anything of a similar nature
Loser: ha, just kidding, just trying to get your attention
Me: dude, you are weird. don't you think there are better ways to get my attention?
Loser: but I did get your attention, ha ha (I am imagining him stoned and laughing hysterically at this point while raiding his fridge because he has the munchies)
Me: Are you on Reno's Most Wanted list? Are you a stalker? I have a friend who is a US Marshall you know, I can find this stuff out.
Loser: good one! email me in 45 minutes, I have to go out

Um, to get stoned even more? To stalk some girl that you have been harassing for the past 6 months? I think I will pass thanks.

He then sends me a message telling me that he is quite safe, he is only a bmx biker who is 5'3".

Seriously, how could I date a guy who is only 1 inch taller than me and therefore qualifies as official hobbit height and is a bmx biker? How the hell would he pick me up for a date on his bmx bike?

I deleted my profile!

Look At Me Ma!

2010-01-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

Ned thinks that after two trips to the ice rink, he knows how to skate.
Ned says he is not going for skating lessons.
Ned kicks and screams and is on the verge of a tantrum.
Ned's mom screams back "You do not know everything, I have paid for these lessons and you are going damn it, and you are going to like it!"
Ned shrugs his shoulders and says "okay", like it's no big deal.
Ned's mom wants to strangle Ned but she resists and instead, takes him to his ice skating lesson.
Ned rocks the rink!
After a deer in the headlight look of panic as he stepped out onto the ice without me holding his hand, he took a deep breath and went for it. He listened to the instructor. He skated forward. He skated backward. He even learned how to stop.

I love my little ice skating Ned!

My Favorite Thing

2010-01-04T16:05:00.001-08:00

Apart from martinis of course!Ned!
We were invited to go ice skating last week. The last time I tried to take Ned he was 3 and refused to go on the ice. This time he could not wait! During the winter we have an outdoor rink, which is awesome, however the nearest year round rink is 60 miles away, which is not so awesome! And very surprising considering we are big on winter sports in this area.

Anyway, he had absolutely no fear whatsoever, got on the ice and after a wobbly start he just glided along as if he had been doing this forever. Well, for a few months anyway! He is such a natural. So it is off to ice skating lessons we go tomorrow night and I am hoping this becomes a lifelong passion for him as it did me. Although if his future involves playing ice hockey I should a) start saving now as it is expensive, b) get even better medical insurance and c) get fabulous dental insurance!

Happy End to the Year

2010-01-02T10:54:00.001-08:00

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday Season and New Year!

My dad left yesterday and it has been a great two weeks for me and Ned. We had the best Christmas ever and even though it was the first without mom, because we were together it didn't make us sad or miss her too much. Ned and grandpa became the best of friends, especially when grandpa bought Ned an Indiana Jones hat and whip for Christmas! I was extremely lucky and not only did I get my favorite perfume - Tresor - but I also got a fancy schmancy new digital camera which I absolutely love.

When we took dad to the airport yesterday, we all had tears, but Ned cried the most and kept telling his grandpa he wished he could stay with us forever, and I think my dad felt the same way. Hopefully I will be able to sponsor him and my sister and then we can all be close by which would make me so happy! When Ned and I got home, he looked and me and said, "mom, my heart is broken because grandpa left" and I just melted into tears!

So before I cry anymore, here are a few of my favorite pictures taken with said fancy schmancy camera:

The best Christmas present ever!

2009-12-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

Dad arrived on Wednesday night and we are loving him being here, especially Ned who just cuddles up to him like he has been around him forever. We went to Ned's Christmas party at kindergarten yesterday and helped him make a reindeer hat and he insisted on wearing it when we went out for lunch! Grandpa even painted the red nose on him to complete the look!

Looks are deceiving

2009-12-16T09:12:00.000-08:00

Is this not the face of an angel:

No, this is the face of my five year old who had to go to the Principal's Office yesterday! My child, who is in kindergarten, would not do as he was told so was sent to the Principal and had to sit in time out there.

I don't know where he gets it from, I'm sure!

Waiting for a special Christmas visitor

2009-12-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

And no, it is not Santa! My dad arrives on Wednesday from England and is due to stay until New Year's Day, however the airline he is flying with goes on strike next week so who knows how long he will be here for!

It's kind of bittersweet him coming, I am so excited to see him and he hasn't been to America in 5 years. But this will be his first trip without my mom, and this will be our first Christmas without her. It will also, as my sister reminded me, be the first Christmas in a long time where there hasn't been an argument! Not that I was always there for those joyous events, but I sometimes somehow became involved just by being on the other end of the phone! My mom always wanted Christmas to be perfect, it had to run on her schedule and she didn't always tell you what the schedule was, but she expected you to know it. If she forgot to do something, she would be annoyed that you had not thought of it and then the day would be ruined in her eyes because of one minor detail that did not go to plan.

So there are no schedules this year, no plans for anything exciting, just hanging out and relaxing which is exactly what my dad needs. And of course, plenty of alcohol! I introduced him to martinis last year and he became a fan, so we will be drinking ourselves silly I am sure.

And of course, giving a little toast to my mom, because even though we disliked her schedules and the arguments at Christmas, it just won't be the same without her.

Winter Wonderland

2009-12-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday it snowed. It snowed so much that schools were cancelled and for the first time since 1997, my campus closed. The roads have been awful, the weather has been freezing so the snow hasn't melted. And last night we had some more. And today we have had more. And it is still snowing now!

In my 8 years in Northern Nevada, I have not ever seen as much snow as I am seeing right now. In fact, I many not have seen this much snow in all my life! And I am annoyed it is a weekend because by Monday, you know that the campus will be open and I will have to go to work! Damn it!

Ned got to sled with the neighborhood kids at an empty lot down the street, while me and another mom made lunch and had martinis - the only way to spend a snow day!

These are pictures from last week - I will take more tomorrow!

Get me some cheese!

2009-12-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged for ages and now I am going to whine. Although no one will probably read it because I think that all my blog friends have become completely fed up with the fact that I don't post and have moved on!

We have had a tremendous amount of snow this week and the roads are so bad. While driving today, my car started to shake and it is either my alignment, or my tires, or both. I had a lot of work done in July which included new tires and an alignment, and now crappy Tires Plus told me that there was only a 3 month warranty on the alignment. $75 and only 3 months? I know that they didn't tell me that because I never would have gone for anything less than 12 months. And because I was so totally fed up and told them to shove it more or less over the phone, I now have to go to a different Tires Plus tomorrow to have them check it over in case it is just the tires/balancing, because they are under warranty.

Stupid snow. Stupid Tires Plus. Stupid tires that do not work in the snow!

Did I mention we have a storm coming in tonight and tomorrow night so there should be more snow? The only thing that will make me feel better right now is that we have so much snow that they close my work again like they did Monday. Fingers crossed for a snow day!

Dinner, Dessert & Vodka!

2009-10-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

So I don't think I will be making this martini anytime soon!

Move Over Chelsea Handler!

2009-10-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Chelsea Handler did not even READ my email through her stupid Myspace website! It shows in my sent folder as UNREAD! Chelsea, seriously, stop being a bitch! I so wanted to make martinis for you, but alas (for you!) I have found another. Someone I think is going to be bigger than Chelsea Handler. Everyone check out Sally Brooks, she is fabulooos!

Martinis and Chelsea Handler

2009-09-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

There are two things in this world that I love and as you know, martinis are one of them. The other is Chelsea Handler, star of the Chelsea Lately show. Funniest woman on TV (next to Ellen, of course!). Okay, before you all start hollering at me, yes I love Ned too. It's just he comes after martinis and Chelsea Handler.

Anyhoo, as Chelsea loves loves loves her vodka, I thought it would be a perfect idea if I became her personal martini maker. How cool would that be? My friend Juno who has been my little martini partner is extremely funny and talented and I have ordered her to write a script for an audition tape. She is currently jobless in Seattle so hey, what has she got to lose.

I can just see myself now, living in LA and making martinis for the fabulous and famous. Sigh. If only.

So here is the first (of what I think will be many) letter to Chelsea asking for a martini audition:

Dear Chelsea

Not sure if you actually read this or if you have some ~~sap~~ intern who monitors this crap for you but it is worth a try.

Have been a fan for forever. Well, since last year anyway. And being a fan I have realized just how much you love vodka. I understand, I love vodka too. In fact I love vodka that much that I started the Rockapoodle Martini company. Huge success. So, okay, we just had two gigs so far but still, huge success.

By day I work at an engineering college where I am surrounded by nerdy engineers who like to examine tiny particles and other useless stuff. But by night I am a martini maker, a martini lover, a martini connoisseur. And it is my dream - no wait, my destiny - to be your personal martini maker. Just think how convenient it would be; I would be there while you prepare for your show, with a martini just for you. I would be there as you are waiting off stage, with a martini just for you. I would be there during commercial break when instead of having to make small talk with boring guests, I could run on stage with a martini, just for you.

So all I am asking is for a chance, an audition even, to be your own personal martini maker. Oh, and I come with my own sidekick, her name is Juno and yes, that is her real name. And as she is 24, no she wasn't named after the movie. She was, however, the one that introduced me properly to you. Until Juno, I thought your name really was Chelsea Lately.

Hope you will consider this request. If not, there will be many more to follow. Either way I should make it on perezhilton.com for either being your personal martini maker or having a restraining order filed against me.

Cheers
M

Watch this space!

KMA!

2009-09-25T13:02:00.001-07:00

I love Joel McHale and The Soup. I love it even more when Whitney yells "Kiss My Ass!"

Crap...Scrap...Whatever!

2009-09-18T08:46:00.001-07:00

Nancy gave me an award, and made me laugh because she said she thought it said "Honest Crap" which I actually think is the better title! And the deal is that I have to tell you 10 things about myself and choose 10 people for the award. Ugh, the pressure!!!

1. I once had to pee in a field in North Carolina because my car had broken down and I was stuck on the side of the road forever with not a bathroom in sight. Just as I squatted down to pee, a cop drove by and caught me in all my glory!

2. I become very flirtatious when drunk and often end up making out with people I shouldn't!

3. My best friend in England is the only girl in the world that I would switch teams for. I wish I could find the guy equivalent of her.

4. I hate horror movies and especially zombies and vampires, but I love the BBC show Being Human and have now just started watching The Vampire Diaries.

5. My favorite food is Thai - especially sizzling dishes that come in a peanut sauce!

6. The best recipe that my mom ever gave me was for an orange pie - most delicious thing ever!

7. The majority of my friends in America are not American, but are from other countries!

8. I am petrified of people imitating monkeys - not monkeys themselves, just humans imitating them. If you meet me, you must never use this against me, I have been known to pee my pants!

9. Despite what my records say and what other people think, I am 39 AGAIN!

10. I love my son more than anyone or anything in this world, even though sometimes he can be SO annoying!

Okay, now for 10 people. Do I know 10 people? Do 10 people even care about my blog anymore since I fell to the wayside? Hmmm!

1. Welshy, because she is just lovely and Welsh and lets me call her a Wench!

2. Kat at Mama's Losin' It, because she is the funniest.

3. Karla at Zander and Me because we are both single moms with the cutest kids ever!

4. Bitsy because she is this super dooper 1950's style housewife living in 2009!

5. Shelly, because she is kick ass and is coming to visit me this weekend!

6. Funny Gals, because they are funny, they drink martinis, and if I ever move to Boston we will be having martini parties together!

7. Retro Girl, because she is that cool, and she has a huge huge heart.

8. Damn this is hard!

9. Did you like how I did that?

10. Soda & Candy, for not taking life too seriously and being funny as well!

Phew, now off you go little ones and do the same!

Saying Goodbye

2009-09-16T21:14:00.001-07:00

On Monday August 24th, I drove to San Francisco with my friend J, who is as funny as hell and made me laugh the whole way there. It was the first day I didn't cry after my mom died. I had to get a passport and was stressed out that when I arrived, they would deny me for some reason. My flight left the very next day and I had to be on it.

What should have been a 4 hour plus drive to SF was 3.5 hours, including slowing down for an accident along the way, and I nervously went into the office ahead of my appointment just to make sure I was on the list. Not only was I on the list but they let me in early. I couldn't believe how smoothly everything went and after going back in the afternoon, I emerged with an American passport in my hands. I have to say, the passport office staff were lovely and there were no issues at all, which was a huge relief.

Ned and I flew to England where a friend picked us up from the airport and drove us to my parents house. Except it is just my dad's house now and it makes me so sad to say that, because everything in the house, from the ornaments to the decor, were chosen by my mom. Pictures of my mom were scattered around the house, one with Ned when he was only 7 weeks old, and it just made me sad. Made me sad to think that I would never see her again, that she would never see her grandchildren again, and that she wouldn't drive me crazy again. Because she did drive me crazy, believe me! But it is so weird, when they die you only remember the really good stuff, and it makes you miss them even more.

The funeral was at the same church where we had Ned christened on Christmas Day, and although we didn't realize it at the time, my sister picked out the exact same outfit that she wore that day for her to be dressed in for her funeral. It was only a week later when we looked at the photographs that we both realized. It was the same vicar too which was really nice. There is a lot of tradition in England with funerals and we left the house in a car that followed the hearse and all of the neighbors came out and bowed their heads as we passed by. Before we got to the end of the street, the funeral director got out and with his top hat under his arm, he walked in front of the hearse as they walk the dead out from their street.

We arrived at the church a little early and watched as more than 20 people went in. Little did we know that were going to be another 200 or so already inside. The church was full - my mom would have been so happy! The vicar led us into the church with the coffin and the music that blasted from the sound system was a favorite of my moms - Mahalia Jackson's I'm on my Way! I walked down the church aisle holding on to my dad's arm - I hadn't done this in 17 years when he gave me away at my first wedding in the very same church. It was such a surreal feeling. The coffin was so tiny, too tiny for a woman with such an enormous presence.

The service was beautiful and there were many things that made us cry and some anecdotes from the vicar that made us laugh. I cried the hardest when they played Mahalia Jackson singing the Lord's Prayer.

My faith in God and the life we go to after this one gave me so much comfort, because I know mom believed and I know that she is on her new journey now. I know that she isn't suffering and she doesn't feel any pain or loss. But I do. I am suffering and I feel a pain that I never knew existed and a loss that is unbearable. As my sister put it, she was such a force of nature that you half expected a black hole to open up where she once stood!

I know that with time it will become easier, everyone says that and I really hope it is true. But for now I am really sad and all I do is read and re-read the letter that she mailed to me on the very day that she went to hospital, and I wonder if part of her knew because she never usually wrote like this:

Just a little note to say I'm sending my love to you both. I wish I could wrap my arms around you every day, for real, not just in my head, but I know your lives are settled in America.......

By the time you get this I might be out of hospital so hopefully it won't be long before I talk to you. Till then my darlings be good, be well and be happy.

Lots of love, Mom

The Hardest Time of My Life

2009-08-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

The title is a bit dramatic, but it is truly how I feel right now. My mom passed away in England on Friday morning and I feel a loss like no other. After a successful operation to remove cancer, she developed complications and had a massive stroke. She spent her last two weeks in intensive care and died peacefully on Friday.

Throughout my 40 years, my mother made me laugh, cry - in good times and bad times, angry, and sometimes sad. But most of all, she loved me and I am having a hard time comprehending that I will never see her again or speak to her on the phone each weekend. I am used to not seeing her as I live in a different country, but knowing that I won't be able to hear her voice is really hard. And I am so mad with myself because last week I went through my answer machine and deleted a bunch of messages, one of which was from her telling Ned and me how much she loved us.

When I got my citizenship I had to turn in my green card and I never applied for an American passport because as far as I was concerned, I wasn't traveling in the near future and I could do this any time. Now I have to race to San Francisco on Monday to get an emergency passport so I can fly out on Tuesday. Even then I won't be with my family until Wednesday around 4pm and that is just not soon enough. I need to be with my dad, sister and nephew so bad it aches.

There isn't anything anyone can say, I haven't written this for bunches of sympathy, I just needed to write it down. I know how it feels now for the other person who has lost someone and you are at a loss as to what to say, because no one knows what to say to me. I have received some lovely messages and my friends have been wonderfully caring. Someone is coming to San Francisco with me on Monday, even though it means they will be in the car for five hours, the passport office for however many hours, and then five hours back all in one day. I couldn't ask for better friends.

My mom drove me batty at times, especially in the last five years, there was a change in her and neither my sister and I could figure it out. She was 66 when she died, yet she talked like she was 80 and her life was almost over. It was, but no one knew this. I am just so grateful that she got to enjoy her two grandchildren and that I was home last Christmas and she was well and happy and we were all together for one last family Christmas. I don't think I could have timed it any better.

Ned understands what has happened, but because he didn't see his grandma as much as Marcus did, I don't think it has hit him that hard. And he is only five. But when I picked him up from school on Friday, I told him that we would be going back to England and he needed to take care of Marcus and grandpa because they were hurting really bad. His response was: "I am just going to say, hey guys, it's okay, she's an angel now".

She is an angel now, and knowing my dear mom, she is probably having the time of her life flitting around between family and friends and catching up on all the news and telling everyone what wonderful grandsons she has!

Love you mom, always.

The Saga Must End

2009-08-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

The saga must end because I cannot indulge her nonsense any longer. These are her last words (to me, unfortunately not her last words in the world):

Mavis Davis:
I love how you whine about not being a whiner. You are a typical liberal whiner who has no problem angrily insulting the oppostion, then you try to end the conversation by calling the opposition mean and angry - right after you tell me you are mocking me with your tone. KOO KOO! You say I cannot have healthy debate, I believe our debate was very healthy! We both have different opinions, but one is right and the other wrong. You apologize to Tiffany for the political debate that occurred as a result of her posting a politically charged picture on HER Facebook. YOU were the first to add a comment on HER page - a comment that was insulting to her political opinion. You started it all my dear, if you want it to end, then shut up. I'm perfectly happy trying to educate you!

I know Taffy can handle it, that's why I felt an apology was unnecessary, also because I know that she and I have the same political opinions. She would have no doubt been nicer to you, you are her friend, you are not mine. You are a threat to my country and my freedom. You say you are from England - since you think their socialist way of life is so grand, go back there! How dare you come here and try to change the greatest country in history. We have a standard of living that is the envy of the world. You are angry because your arguments SUCK and I am angry because I'm watching people like you, with your simple-minded ideology, destroy my country. You are entitled to your opinion, you are not entitled to destroy people's freedoms or to health care! You have yet to answer any of the arguments given that throughout history it is proven that the more you do for people, the less they do for themselves. Creating lazy people with entitlement mentalities has never helped a society.

But you liberals never have learned from history. Why would you start now? Your belief system does nothing to actually help people, it only makes you feel good about yourself. P.S. The indecent hate the decent - that is why people hate George W. Bush. He loved this country, can't say the same about the current administration, kept us safe, and was great for the economy until the libs were voted in control of the House and Senate in 2006. Facts are facts, wah wah wah.

Wow, all five foot two of me is a threat to America? I must go back to England even though I am a LEGAL American citizen? I did not know I could be so threatening, how fun! Now I must go and use all my evil powers that stem from Europe (as all evil powers do) to bring down the greatest country in history! Mwahahahaha!!!!!

Facebook War Update

2009-08-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

The next slew of insults:

Mavis Davis:
I can't see where we've used our first names either. So, what's your point? By the way, you misspelled mine. I'm not sure I believe you, it sounds like an accusation to me, but if I mistook your use of "you" I apologize. You are far from innocent, you were clearly angry in your "health care is right" comments above. I am right and have history to back me up, so that is not a burden at all. However, my burden lies in watching this country on the brink of destruction by a bunch of American-hating baffoons who wish to turn us into Europe. Funny, even the Europeans are learning from their failures and changing.

Mavis Davis:
You sound silly, Molly! I didn't think you were a stranger writing on Tiffany's facebook. I have many liberal friends, I"m from Oregon! That's how I know them so well. Oh, and Newsflash: Every single study ever conducted on the subject has overwhelmingly found that conservatives are happier than liberals, even when the liberals have won and their American-hating Messiah is in office. Studies have also concluded that conservatives overwhelmingly give more money to charity. That is because they believe in helping their fellow man - that's called humanity. They know that the government does not help people, it only takes from people. People help people! Sorry, but you do sound pretty whiney to me. It's the emotional liberal thing!

Mavis Davis:
No loss of energy, I just had to go to bed and wait for Molly's next whiney diatribe! :-)

It amuses me when the right wing think that President Obama hates America, and accuse him of being racist. It also amuses me that the right wing believe that they are always right and they can't debate anything but can only be insulting.

Um, I spelled her name wrong, shoot me, but I have left all her spelling mistakes on this post and the previous one.

Okay, so I lied and I posted this:

If I am a typical “whiney liberal” in your eyes, then you are the quintessential insulting right wing extremist who believes that their opinion is the only one that matters and you are unable to have a healthy debate without being insulting.

You don’t know me and you are wrong: I did not have an angry tone or any hatred when I was discussing health care. I do believe that everyone in this country is entitled to health care – no one should be left behind due to their circumstances or the fact that they cannot afford the same kind of treatment that others can. Am I mocking you in my tone of voice? Yes!

I started these comments stating that I believed Obama was not the Joker, but Bush was, because I find that particular picture of President Obama insulting, racist and derogatory. Those are my opinions. As a free American, I am entitled to them. You are entitled to yours, and I do not agree with you, but I have no hatred towards you.

I am not a fan of the previous president and you may not be a fan of the current president, but these are our individual opinions and should not spawn hatred.

With that, I am ending my part of the discussions because regardless of who is right and who is wrong, I am not going to resort to any further “debates” with you as it seems pointless.

Facebook War

2009-08-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Brace yourselves, this is a long one!

So my good friend, um, Tiffany we shall call her, posted this awful picture last night on her facebook page. I left a comment and her angry right winged sister in law went off on a tangent. I am posting the comments for you to see the amusement for yourselves. Names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Molly Martini

No, that is what we had with the last president - he was definitely the joker!!!

Mavis Davis

Don't people know that what this admin is trying to do has been tried in other countries and been a disaster? There is no logic with the left. Full speed ahead distruction of this country. And they'll continue to whine about the economy being Bush's fault - all the while ignoring or being totally ignorant of the roll the House and Senate played in it all. Never mind that there are videos where you can watch the Bush administration and Republican senators practically beg for something to be done about Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, while the Democrats (Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Maxine Waters) lied through their teeth. I guess the facts never get in the way when CNN, CBS, MSNBC, ABC, etc. refuse to report them. wah wah wah wah, another whiney liberal!

Molly Martini

The economy mostly is the fault of Bush. And I am from England (although proud to be an American citizen now!) and we have socialized medicine there and it is not the nightmare everyone makes it out to be. Why is everyone so scared of change?

Mavis Davis

I have many friends from England who say differently. America has the greatest health care system in the world. Why would you change that? Why, with the economy the way it is, would you go to a system that will bankrupt us? It does't make sense. This was tried in Hawaii, with children only, for less than two years and it didn't work. They closed down the program. The government can't run anything but the military. Example: our public schools, the post office, the V.A., Medicaid, THE GOVERNMENT! Now they are going to take over our entire health care system. It is simply a way to control people and to make achievers pay for non-achievers. THAT is what destroys a country. They mislead people when say the numbers of people who don't have health care. There isn't one person who doesn't have access to health care. The people who are truly in need of help, with no INSURANCE, can get it, that's what Medicaid is for.

Mavis Davis

You say the economy is the fault of Bush, but you ignore the fact that the democrats are responsible for the housing disaster which started this whole slide. George Bush got us through the greatest disaster our generation has ever seen. He did it with tax cuts. He cut taxes across the board, but the democrats said it was for the wealthy only That was a lie. He increased the earned income credit for single parents making low wages, he reduced the tax rate for the lowest income earners and so much more. Almost 50% of Americans pay no Federal Income Tax. That's disgraceful and Obama wants to punish the wealthy who pay all of the taxes and keep this country going. He is raising taxes on small business. The left hurts everything it claims to wish to help. And people keep sucking it up, as long as the media tells them to.

Mavis Davis

George Bush is a good man. I've thought long and hard for over eight years why the media would wish to destroy someone like they tried to do with Bush. All I can come up with is that it he is a good and decent man. When I look at all that is elevated in this country, it's certainly not decency. MTV, Hollywood, Bill Clinton, the murder of our children.... What's good and pure is ridiculed and what is perverted and raunchy is celebrated. I heard a man say once, "There is nothing so vulgar left in society today that they cannot fly in some professor from somewhere to justify it." Hmmm, I"ll have to add that one to my quotes! Good night :-)

Molly Martini

Ah, yes, the greatest health care in the world - maybe it is, but at a price many cannot afford. I am tired of the politicians that are only in it for themselves, for the rich to get richer and the poor to stay poor. I am not saying the state of the economy is the fault of Bush entirely, I am sure Clinton had something to do with it, but the last 8 years have been a nightmare and have not helped the situation, but have only made it worse. I don't care what political party someone prefers, I am more about humanity and I think that we as a country should work together, should help each other out, should be more of a community. Health care should be a right, not a privilege. I have family and friends in England still and the health care system is not as good as America, but it isn't the worst either. My mom is in hospital right now preparing for an operation to remove cancer tomorrow morning - she has not had to suffer or wait for months for this operation.

Tiffany’s Husband

The entire world benefits from the current health care in the United States -- without the current health care system combined with the dreaded Capitilism, there would not be all of the current treatments and medications. The whole of the world gets the payoff, but everyone is mad that the people that put up the money want to make a profit. Hell more often than not it isn't a profit, considering that there is countless money spent on R&D that goes nowhere. If the rest of the world had systems that were worth a s**t, the leaders of the world would not come here for treatment. The fact that not all of the people have insurance is not athe problem the media wants it to be. The media does not consider that not all young single people want the expense of insurance, for some it is cheaper to pay the doctor as needed.

Mavis Davis

Molly, you say "we as a country should work together." That is what we've been doing since the founding of our country. It is proven that the more government gets involved, the less people give to charity. American's donate more of their money they any other country. This is because we are big, fat, greedy capitalists. And Obama wishes to change this. The more people are dependent on government, the less they do for themselves. A society cannot exist like that. History has been recorded, why do so many ignore history? You say health care is a right? I disagree. People have to buy car insurance, law abiding citizens do it. Why can't people pay for their own health insurance? Why should someone else pay for it? It used to be an honor to work hard and be independant. Our children are being raised to think the world owes them something. If health care is a right, what is food? Should the government be paying for our food as well?

Mavis Davis

A beer sounds great! Even though it's 12:30 where I'm at. I suppose I'll just go to bed instead! :-)

Molly Martini

Driving a car is not a right, it is a privilege, so I don't even know how you can compare health insurance to that! And I do think everyone should have access to good health care, but not at the high costs they are at now. Have you ever lived on the poverty line? Do you know what it is like to go without health insurnace? I have, it sucks! And if your children believes the world owes them something, it is because you have failed as a parent, not the government or the world. We as parents raise our children, at least I do anyway. Oh, and our constitution states we have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness - to have "life" we need health care. And by saying that people should pay no matter what the cost, you are not working together as "the people", you are in it for yourself.

Mavis Davis

You missed the point. If people do what it takes to pay for car insurance (because no one is doing it for them), then how much more important is health insurance? Since driving a car is a privilege, maybe some people have to give up their cars and pay for their health insurance instead of expecting others to do it for them. Besides, NO ONE is rejected health care in this country. You have bought the koolaid, you are mixing health care with health insurance. Insurance is not a right. For those who cannot afford insurance, there is government help. Medicare and Medicaid is only a high cost for the TAX PAYERS who are covering the program. The people who suffer from the high cost of health insurance are SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PEOPLE OBAMA IS RAISING TAXES ON TO PAY FOR HIS PATHETIC ENTITLEMENT PROGRAMS!!!!!!! What don't you get about that?

Mavis Davis

The only time I went without health insurance was when I chose to. Then later I paid for my own insurance at $100 per month. I had to scrimp in other areas. Big deal. My son worked a job that didn't provide insurance for three years and he, too, paid for his own insurance at $100 a month. Big Deal! So, your accusation of me failing as a parent is off base and insulting, but exactly what can be expected from soon on the left. Neither I nor my child expects the world to pay for us. YOU, HOWEVER, ARE DEFENDING THAT VERY THING IN YOUR CIRCULAR ARGUMENTS! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO THINKS HEALTH CARE IS A RIGHT, MY DEAR! NOT ME!YOU ARE NOT WORKING AS A PEOPLE, YOU ARE EXPECTING THE GOVERNMENT TO DO THAT FOR YOU!

Mavis Davis

You also ignored my statement that research shows that the more the government controls, the less people do for themselves. If you were as concerned for the welfare of humanity as you claim, you would process that fact, instead of ignore it. CHARITY AND HUMANITY SUFFERS WHEN THE GOVERNMENT TAKES CONTROL. DO YOUR RESEARCH!

Molly Martini

Wow, angry much?! I have no interest in arguing with you as I know we will never agree, and I am fine with that. Healthy debates are acceptable, shouting isn't. Sorry Tiffany, I can only apologize for my rudeness on your page! You my dear friend must be rolling your eyes! So glad we can agree to disagree on these matters.

Mavis Davis

You, Molly Martini, started the angry tone when you accused me of being a a failure as a parent. Here, I'll paste your comment for you, since you've apparently forgotten: "it is because you have failed as a parent". I'm sure Tiffany is rolling her eyes alright, but only because she has the same political beliefs that I have. As all on the left do, you think with your emotions, the right backs up their arguments with research and history, the left then resorts to insults, the right fights back, and the left starts crying and accusing the right of being mean. It gets really old. But Tiffany is a grown up. She knows that posting a political issue invites debate. She can handle it.

Molly Martini

Ooh, are we calling each other by our last names now Mavis Davis?! And what I actually said was "if your children believe the world owes them something, it is because you have failed as a parent, not the government or the world". Please notice the "if" at the beginning. This was in response to your comment "Our children are being raised to think the world owes them something". I did not angrily accuse you of being a bad parent, I was merely responding to what you had to say. You do seem very angry though, I am sorry that you feel so angry, it must be a huge burden to bear. And I don't go crying and accusing others of being mean, I am a big girl too. I just didn't want to disrespect my good friend Tiffany. Oh no, did I let it slip that Tiffany is friends with a Liberal? Oh dear, will she get into trouble now?!

So, to recap, she believes she is entitled to her opinion and it is the only one that should count, while my opinion counts for shit. Got it! She also has friends in England (really?) who tell her socialized medicine is baaadd! So I must be lying, right?

Worst of all, she started using my last name. She's going down!!!

Tards

2009-08-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

This is disgusting. I think it is so disrespectful and very anti American. Oh, not to mention it is vandalism!!

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, I don't expect everyone to like our current president, but this is not right.

Before we all go around pointing fingers, remember this country was in a bad state before Obama became president, not after. And if you expect him to fix it overnight, you are unrealistic or just plain crazy, you choose!

Visitors from Vegas

2009-08-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Well you must know that I have some fabulous news if I am actually posting something on my blog! I just got news that Shelly is coming to visit in September and I am soooo excited!!!

I have never met Shelly. Shelly has never met me. I hope we like each other! I have a feeling that after a few of my martinis we will be the best of friends!!!

And the best part.........Ned is going to his dad's that weekend so we can have a total girlie drunkfest of a weekend!!!

Crap Blogger, Crap Blog Reader

2009-07-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am still alive, I promise, but I just either didn't have anything to blog about and didn't have time! My life is too busy and it drives me insane, not to mention I get sucked into spending more time on Facebook than anything else!

So, I have three jobs - my main one and two part time jobs (no, I don't work at "that" place anymore!). Two of the jobs I do in my own time, but I am finding lately that I have very little of that. My mom is driving me crazy telling me that I shouldn't work so hard, but when you have bills to pay, you have no choice. We can't all be retired for the last 20 years mother!!!

Ned turned 5 in June with a fabulous Pirates & Princesses party and all the kids came dressed up. 24 children in total! The parents had a great time, mainly because I served martinis, and complained that this was the best party they had been to and I had set the bar too high! Ned has also turned into a teenager overnight because he has a rotten attitude sometimes and can be quite a handful. Although he has given me permission to get married and have a baby brother for him, so I guess I am on the look out for a suitor!

Speaking of which, I have grown a pair and asked two guys out on coffee dates in recent months. It hasn't gone anywhere, but it has just been nice to go out to coffee with someone. Now I just need to find the right one! Gotta make that baby brother for Ned before the eggs get rotten!

I will try to come back more often, but I am making no promises as I am just a crap blogger. I am an even crappier blog reader, so don't hold it against me!

Oh Say Can You See.......

2009-05-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

So guess what I passed today? Yes, my American citizenship test! Which means that hopefully I can never be deported. Ever! It also means that this is my official home, and that means a lot to me because I love living here. My son was born here, this is where I am happiest and more importantly, I can now vote!!!! Well worth $685!

Wanted: New Daddy

2009-05-04T21:59:00.000-07:00

So the other week, Ned said something to me that I had been hoping he never would.

Ned: We don't have a daddy living in this house.
Me: No, no we don't. But you do have a daddy.
Ned: I know. But he's at his house.
Me: But he loves you very much, just like I do.
Ned: Can we get a new daddy at this house?
Me: Believe me, I have been trying forever! Can you keep your eyes peeled and find a good one for the both of us?
Ned: Yes!

So then nothing until today when he mentions it again. I reminded him that he already had a dad (I am so not into "new daddies" when kids already have one, even if they are useless like Ned's dad) and he said "no mom, just another daddy who lives at our house and will pick me up from school".

I feel so bad for the kid, he so desperately wants a father figure in his life on a daily basis and he sees his friends dads picking them up from school and he wants that. But now all I can think about is shit, I know what he is like, he is going to be asking every man he sees to be his new daddy! And that is not going to look good when we are in the middle of the grocery store. Men will be abandoning their shopping carts and making a mad dash for the closest exit!

Still here.....sort of

2009-04-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know I hardly blog anymore and I read your blogs even less, but seriously, it's not because I don't care. It's because I never have time to do anything! Oh, except record Ned doing funny things, like this:

To Brighten Up Your Day

2009-04-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

Bitsy sent me this today and it made me so happy. You have to watch, it is brilliant!

We Made It!

2009-04-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

So we moved last Saturday and I have to say, I had some lovely people turn up to help me and they made it so much fun. We were unloaded at the new house by 12, returned the truck by 1pm and started drinking and eating in the back yard until 8pm! Well, it was my second 39th birthday after all! I am almost finished with the unpacking, still a few more boxes to go but I am taking my time so that I can figure out where I want this stuff (which is mostly crap!). Ned's room is so big compared to his old one and very warm too, not like the freezing room I forced him to sleep in before! And my room is so big that you could fit two double beds in there. I am trying to set up an office at one end of it but I just don't have the furniture, nor the money for said furniture! But I love our new house, it so feels like home and apart from some of the stuff looking a bit old (doors, washing machine etc), it is lovely. I have even been down to the basement by myself!!

I now have internet at home so will try and catch up with you all at the weekend.

Almost There

2009-03-26T09:41:00.001-07:00

Forgive me for posting and not reading any blogs, I am overloaded! I only have two more days and then I will be moving into my new cute house, and turning 39 again for the second time! Who moves on their birthday?!

So, things that have stressed me out this week:

Dropped a deposit off at the bank over the weekend and put it in the night drop. Bank recorded the deposit on Monday morning and then promptly lost it. Overdraft fees were incurred, still no deposit. Today, they have put the deposit in there (it was posted to someone else's account) and reimbursed me for the overdraft fees - twice! Two deposits, two overdraft fees!

A medical billing office has apparently kept a credit of mine on their accounts since April 2008. I only found out about it in February this year and have tried to get the money back three times, with people promising me that they would start the refund process immediately. On Tuesday I called again to see where it was and was told that there is nothing in the notes and no refund was ever processed. Great! Fuming, I demanded they cut me a check and call me when it was ready so I could go pick it up in person. They got on it straight away and I picked up the check yesterday. And promptly deposited in the bank where my previous deposit was lost! Fingers crossed!

My property manager seems to think that a walk through of the house I am moving into on Saturday is not necessary until AFTER I move in. WTF? So, if there is damage already there, is he going to try and say I did it when I moved in? I don't think so, my camera will be on hand to record everything!

The guy who owns the house needs to put up smoke detectors, deadbolts and a blind on the kitchen window. He has had weeks to do this and has informed the property manager that he has until April 1st to do it so he will do it some time before then. Um hello, my lease starts March 28th. Again, WTF?!

So yes, I have been a little stressed out to say the least, not to mention I also went to a counselling session with my ex last weekend over parenting concerns that I had regarding him, and it was emotionally exhausting, but here is hoping that the weekend goes well and I will be all moved in with no major incidents to report very soon!

I don't have internet at home right now and I am not sure when it will be up and running again, but please, just bear with me!

Feckin' hell!

2009-03-14T20:24:00.001-07:00

Sorry, that is the only title I could come up with. I have just spent almost an hour and a half catching up on blogs. I have been off work most of the week due to the flu. I was supposed to really get on with things and start packing today but all I have accomplished is three boxes. I don't move for another two weeks but with two jobs, Ned's dance class and Tae Kwan Do classes (2 of them!) each week, a counselling session with the ex hubby about his parenting abilities next Saturday, I am wondering if I will be able to pack everything in time.

Feckin' hell!

I will post more on the counselling session and the reason it came about when I am not so tired/still worn out from the flu/packing/working/dancing/Tae Kwan Do-ing.

Home Sweet Home

2009-03-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

So this is the house I have been approved for, pending my credit check, and I am so excited! It is really close to where I work so no more getting on the freeway, and it is zoned for the school I want Ned to go to. It will literally take me minutes to get to work in the car.

It was built in 1940 and has only ever had one owner, and I am not sure whether she moved out to a nursing home or died last year - I don't want to ask! It is just so cute and retro like, I love it. The master bedroom is so much bigger than mine, with a little vanity area off the bedroom that leads to my own bathroom! And the garden out back is lovely, a perfect play area for Ned and hopefully it will be nice enough to have his birthday party there in June. It also has a basement where I can do my laundry and store stuff, and as I am a pack rat, I am sure I won't have too much trouble filling that place up!

I am sooo excited! Moving house again was something I didn't really anticipate until I realized that it would be so difficult to get a variance for Ned at the school I wanted. But I really feel that this place is our home so I am really pleased we got it.

And now, I will be moving on my second 39th birthday - hurrah, I think!

2009-02-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

Well I looked at the house and it was not for me - it had no air conditioning and if you live in Nevada, you cannot live without A/C! But I do have my eye on a rather cute 1940's house that has been remodeled and has a lot of character, not to mention a very nice back yard, so I will keep you all posted.

And I promise to read your blogs soon, however I must go to bed now as I was up all night thinking about moving, expenses, bills, packing, unpacking, cleaning the new house, cleaning the old house - well, you get the picture. I was up most of the night and am exhausted!

Sacrifices

2009-02-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

No, I will not be sacrificing Ned, although there are indications that God liked that in the past. However, I think it would be frowned upon nowadays. Instead, I need to make some personal sacrifices. There is a school that I want to put Ned in for Kindergarten/Elementary this year and it is currently opposite his preschool. He could have before and after care at his current preschool and they escort them to the K/E school and pick them up again. Perfect arrangement, especially as I work in their office and get a lovely discount each week on tuition.

There is just one problem. We are not zoned for this school which means that we either have to apply for a variance, which the principal told me that it would be highly unlikely that it went through due to limited spaces, or move. I would like the second option because while my house is suitable, it is on the other side of the city to where I work and extremely old.

So I have been cruising the neighborhoods for the perfect house at the perfect price and yesterday I found one. Except it was not so perfectly $335 more than what I pay in rent a month now. $1200 per month to be exact. I contacted the property managers and haggled. They said they would go back to the owners and ask them if they would accept $1,000 per month because as they said, some rent is better than no rent. If I could get them to go $200 less that would be amazing.

Except for moving costs of course, not to mention the extra rent. But it is worth it for Ned's education. This school is one of the best in the area and I have to think about the long term. His tuition will decrease in the fall when he goes to Kindergarten. My car loan will be paid off in exactly one year. It is a better neighborhood and less of a drive for me to go to work. And I so want this house!

There are three bathrooms! Three! The yard is huge, appliances included, two car garage, three bedrooms (instead of the two I have now). I desperately want this house. I figure even if he says $1100 I should take it. My boss has kindly said he will give me 2 hours overtime every week without fail - basically whether there is work or not but with him, I know there will be. That is an extra $240 a month so I should take $1100 if they offer it, right? Right??????

I have so many people who would help me move but unfortunately none of them will pay the moving costs! So I have decided that even if I have to live without TV and the internet at home for a while I will do it. Sacrifices have to be made! Any other suggestions, tips, offers of money, reimbursement of moving costs, etc? The latter being more preferable of course!

Ouch

2009-02-15T21:08:00.001-08:00

I took Ned sledding today in Truckee - the snow was dumping down and it was beautiful. Unfortunately, I made a very unwise choice and decided to sled myself. I came off the sled and banged my head really hard. I don't know if I am concussed but hopefully I am not, and there is no permanent damage. I was slightly unbalanced before so maybe this has knocked some sense back into me?!

Happy Hearts Day

2009-02-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

Another Rant!

2009-02-12T16:36:00.001-08:00

This is disturbing. I know I have been on this soapbox before, but this bothers me on so many levels.

How can you think that food stamps are not welfare?
Why do you think that your family and friends should help and support you when YOU made the decision to have so many children?

Were you bored one day? Did you not find your six children enough? Did you think, oh I know, I will go to this really expensive Beverly Hills doctor, get myself pregnant again even though I already have six kids, am a single mom and live with my parents? I am a single mom and I only have one child but I always wanted two, however there is no way I would go out and have another one just because that is what I always wanted. I can't afford it and I wouldn't be able to cope.

I'm sorry, I think it is appalling you are making money off this by doing television interviews for a fee, lying in them and then you have a website asking people to donate money to you.

Ned

2009-02-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

Ned has had these really horrible spots on his leg for about 6 months, which are known as molluscum and are contagious. I know that he probably got them from preschool, but I have not been able to talk to them about it for fear of them saying he could not go, because I don't know what I would have done with him while I worked. Anyway, this is what it looks like and they itch and the more you scratch, the more you spread them. Try explaining to a four year old that he can't scratch.

Today, we went to the dermatologists who informed me the cream was ridiculously expensive (around $300) and she didn't recommend it anyway because it didn't yield very good results. Another option was this liquid nitrate stuff that burns them off but hurts and they don't like to do that to children. Don't worry missy, I was thinking, you aren't going to do that to my child anyway! What she did recommend was something that has a medical name but is actually beetle juice. Yes, beetle juice. From a blister beetle. Aptly named as these horrible little pox family spots are very similar to blisters at times.

So she put it on, it doesn't hurt - yet. We had to wash it off after four hours and apparently blisters can occur and they can really hurt, so I am hoping that he is okay tomorrow and not in any pain.

Right now, I have medical bills coming out of my ears from the last four months, what with check ups, psychologist visits for Ned and his pooping problems, my ingrown toenail and physiotherapy from a year ago! I am sure this visit today will not be cheap so here is hoping that I have now met the deductible and won't have to pay a thing more!

On a positive note, I completed my American citizenship forms and mailed them off yesterday, with a big whopping check for $675 which hurt like hell, but it is an investment and hopefully, everything will go through. Will keep you posted on this.

Kenny & Spenny

2009-02-09T12:46:00.001-08:00

Someone introduced me to these two guys recently on Youtube and they are hilarious. You have to watch this video, there are three parts and I will leave it up to you to see if you want to watch the other two, but I almost peed my pants watching it!

Office Life

2009-02-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched The Office and thought how bizarre those people are? I work somewhere similar. The girl in the next office to me does sound effects to go with everything. Like when she shuts a door, or a drawer, she makes a weird sound effect noise. When she walks through my office, she does a sound effect noise. Why would anyone do this?

Then there is another woman who is seriously overweight. Don't get me wrong, I am not the skinny bitch I wish I was, but this woman can barely breathe. And when she does breathe, it sounds like one of those horror movies where there is a dirty old man on the phone breathing down it to a poor, young, terrified girl. I am that terrified girl. There is a connecting part of my office to another office, and she often stands in there and I always know when she is there without her saying a word. Because I can hear her breathing! She also shuffles when she walks so I hear shuffle - breathe - shuffle - breathe. It is disturbing. Not to mention on top of all this, she falls asleep in meetings and snores. Loudly. Snore - breathe - snore - breathe.

Down the hall is a woman who has been engaged 3 or 4 times since I started working here, just over one year ago! She ended up marrying the first guy that she was engaged too, after living with one of the guys (also engaged to) who then tried to kill her by poisoning her food. Seriously, I think being single has its advantages!

Sometimes I wonder if I am being Punked, or if there is a secret camera filming us to get ideas for the show The Office. It is like being in a mad mad circus some days! If you watch The Office and see a Sound Effects Girl and a Shuffler, will you please let me know, then I won't feel like I am crazy.

A little bit of a rant

2009-01-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am going to be very insensitive here, but having octuplets when you have SIX other children already is just irresponsible. Taking fertility drugs when you have no children, or only one and you have struggled to get pregnant again is understandable, but not when you have SIX hobbits at home already! Come on, I love babies as much as the next person, they are delicious (with a glass of wine) and you want to snuggle them and kiss them and then when they poop it is lovely to hand them back to their rightful owner. But seriously! Am I the only one who is thinking this?

And Elizabeth Hasselbeck, do you really need a third child? Is it not enough you have two already that you have to have another one during the next great depression?

None of this is helping stimulate the economy people!

The Dog House

2009-01-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

What started off as making a little house for the toy dogs, turned into an art project for mommy. And mommy didn't mind one bit. Although Ned did! I did kind of take over but the paint work had to be done just right!

We started off with a bare house and wooden bits and pieces to glue on.

After the paint, came stickers and the wooden pieces.

And here are all the dogs with their new home!

Art and Gross Stuff

2009-01-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

So I thought creating a new blog would encourage me to write more. Apparently not.

However, some things this week have prevented me from daily blogging/reading. One was an art project for Ned. He has all those little toy dogs from the new movie, Hotel for Dogs (no I did not buy 8 happy meals from McDonalds, I bought the dogs separately and only 2 happy meals!). He wanted to make a house for them out of a cardboard box, but I had to cut windows and doors, put a chimney on and paint it. While he was at his dad's I stopped by Michael's and found this fabulous small unpainted dolls house so I bought it along with all sorts of wooden bits and pieces to stick on and dog stickers. I will put the pictures up another day as I don't have them here with me at work, but it is a masterpiece and far more superior than the little old cardboard box we were planning on renovating.

Another reason for not blogging is that I have been in incredible pain since Monday due to the fact that I had an infected ingrown toenail. I must point out that it was mainly infected because I had picked at it and tried to get it out myself and made it worse. I went to a podiatrist on Friday who insisted he could do nothing that day and would have to get authorization from my insurance company and that I should come back on Monday. Confused because I have a PPO policy which does not require insurance, but not wanting to argue with the doctor in case I got stuck with a huge bill, I agreed and suffered the pain over the weekend. On Monday I talked to a friend who pointed out that he was just trying to get two copays out of me and I decided to go to someone else who whipped the sucker out as well as one on the other side of the nail. They have both been removed permanently and it was pretty gross. I could not watch because I cannot tolerate pain, but if you need to see what it looks like, go here. The most painful part was the injection to numb the toe - it feels like a huge needle going into your bone and I am grateful for the nurse holding my leg down so that I did not kick the doctor in the face for I am sure I would have done!

Now even though I could not watch this procedure or tolerate the pain of the needle, I had to see the ingrown toenails that he extracted, which were fantastically gross and much to my delight, he gave them to me as souvenirs! Everyone at work seemed so grateful for that as I showed them off!!! Ned thought they were "cool" and has only trod on my toe twice now so we are doing good.

However I was not prepared for the pain I felt when the numbness wore off. Fuck.Ing.Hell. That is all I can say. It throbbed, it hurt, it throbbed some more. Pain killers helped some then I would wake up in the night and have to take some more because the sheet lying on top of the bandages hurt. Two nights in a row I have been up in the night and the doctor is now calling in some stronger pain meds for me. Thank you Toe Doctor, I think I love you.

Last night I took the bandage off to soak the foot in Epsom salts, which is something that is soothing but not when you first put your toe in the water. It hurts! It was the first time I had seen the cuts and they are bloody and disgusting and made me feel sick. I have even come into work each day, hobbling all over the place and wearing sandals in the middle of winter with very thick socks, looking like a gimpy person who has just escaped from an institution of some kind.

I was going to have this done to the second toe, but now I am having second thoughts. I think I would rather have a bikini wax, which is something else I did for the first time last Friday. Again, Fuck.Ing.Hell. I think she enjoyed it too much, she laughed every time I screamed out in pain. However the pain was gone by the next day, so bring on the bikini wax and not so much the ingrown toenail removal!

"For Reals"

2009-01-23T06:08:00.000-08:00

This is what my four year old keeps saying. "For reals mom!". Where did he learn this from and when did he turn into a teenager?

My life is flashing before my eyes!

Idiots Among Us

2009-01-22T06:17:00.000-08:00

Sorry to keep with the political theme here, but I just heard Rush Limbaugh said this on his radio show:

"My hope, and please understand me when I say this. I disagree fervently with the people on our side of the aisle who have caved and who say, 'Well, I hope he succeeds. We've got to give him a chance.' Why? They didn't give Bush a chance in 2000. Before he was inaugurated, the search-and-destroy mission had begun. I'm not talking about search-and-destroy, but I've been listening to Barack Obama for a year-and-a-half. I know what his politics are. I know what his plans are, as he has stated them. I don't want them to succeed.

"If I wanted Obama to succeed, I'd be happy the Republicans have laid down. And I would be encouraging Republicans to lay down and support him. Look, what he's talking about is the absorption of as much of the private sector by the U.S. government as possible, from the banking business, to the mortgage industry, the automobile business, to health care. I do not want the government in charge of all of these things. I don't want this to work. So I'm thinking of replying to the guy, 'Okay, I'll send you a response, but I don't need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails.' (interruption) What are you laughing at? See, here's the point. Everybody thinks it's outrageous to say. Look, even my staff, 'Oh, you can't do that.' Why not? Why is it any different, what's new, what is unfair about my saying I hope liberalism fails? Liberalism is our problem. Liberalism is what's gotten us dangerously close to the precipice here. Why do I want more of it? I don't care what the drive-by story is. I would be honored if the drive-by media headlined me all day long: 'Limbaugh: I Hope Obama Fails.' Somebody's gotta say it."

Nice.

Glad you want your country to fail.

Did you ever stop and think that it might be people like you that are the problem?

High Horses

2009-01-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was such an exciting day and even though I was at work, I was able to watch the inauguration online and it was very special. On my facebook page I put that I was proud to be in America today, and one of my colleagues told me quite aggressively that she was proud to be in America every day. It really bothered me the way she said it, as though we are all supposed to feel this "American Pride" in the same way that she does. Is it a privilege to be American? Is it a privilege to feel this pride? I think it is a privilege to be on this earth, no matter where you are, and I think that I am entitled to feel prouder on some days and not on others. Does it mean I am anti-American on the days I don't feel proud? Not at all. This whole "American Pride" thing bothers me. I am prepared to take my citizenship test, I am prepared to live in a country that will not acknowledge duel citizenship even though the country I was born in will recognize it. I pay my taxes, I am a good person, I have not committed any crimes, yet I get pulled up for saying that I am proud to be in America on January 20th 2009. It just annoys the hell out of me and I had to get it off my chest, so there, I am done now!

What I'm Listening To

2009-01-17T08:12:00.001-08:00

Lilly Allen can be annoying sometimes, but I really like this new song of hers.

"and that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic"!

I Rule Britannia

2009-01-16T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I like to think I did in the three weeks I was home! This is me in my friend's 1940's themed room (yes, she has a themed room!). Nearly everything in there is genuinely from the 1940's, including this flag which was used in the war and belonged to her grandfather.

I love my friend. Not only is she absolutely gorgeous, but she is such a nice person and I think I saw more of her out of all my friends because she is just so easy to be around. She is also one of Ned's godmother's - he has three!

It was lovely seeing my friends and family, but I really missed America and my "home". So now I have decided to take the citizenship test and make it official, because I never want to live anywhere else. And it will mean that in the future I can vote, so hurrah for that! Also, my lovely sister has decided that it may be in her and my nephew's best interest to come out and live here with us, so I need to get my citizenship so I can sponsor her. If anyone would like to donate to the "Get Ellie Out Here" fund then please contact me, as it costs a frickin' fortune to file for citizenship ($675) and sponsorship ($355)!

Here she is, my lovely lovely sister:

And she is definitely into martinis as well, so you will all really like her, I promise!

Finally, here is a little shot of the christening party - if I say it was fucking freezing, that will be an understatement, but seriously, it was fucking freezing!

And the beautiful old church:Very old and historic church - because you know, England is where all the history is from! At least that's what Eddie Izzard says anyway!

Don't eat me big giraffe!

2009-01-15T10:31:00.001-08:00

This is what it feels like when a big giraffe is looming towards you and has a very long tongue and a big head that could swallow your head whole. Or small children, which is why Ned looks so nervous perhaps?!

New home

2009-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

I came back from England, trying to motivate myself to blog and read again because I have been a bad blogger of late. I decided I needed something new, something that might inspire me to write more, hence the move.

Anyway, we had a lovely time in England, my sister's house was definitely the best option to stay at and there was only one major argument with my mom which my sister actually started but of course, I got dragged into! We visited a castle, had a private showing at a zoo because we have a friend there and got to feed the giraffes and elephants which is slightly scary as who knew how big a giraffes head was when it was way up there in the clouds? Not me, that's for sure, and they are pretty big once they lower their heads and try and get the food out of your hand that you are gingerly holding up, hoping that they don't lick you to death with their enormous tongues!

Ned was christened on Christmas Day, at the church where I was christened when I was 6, so it was pretty special. He seemed to know that he was there for some sort of ceremony and complied very nicely, although when the vicar said "we will now announce your new name in Christ" he turned around and said loudly for all to hear "I don't want a new name, my name is Ned!" Good old Ned!

Another highlight, and I must mention this, is that I got to meet Welshy, Chris and Juliet (can you hurry up and give me your blog so I can link you?!). It was slightly surreal but lovely to meet them, and of course it was made even better by the lovely Thorntons chocolates that Chris and Juliet gave us. I think I may have scared Welshy though as I ate her least favorite food - mushrooms ("you can't trust a mushroom"). All it all, it was brilliant to be in an English pub having a drink with people I have talked to online for such a long time.

Hopefully you will all decide to come on over to the new site, and as and when you do, I will add your links. In the meantime, Happy New Year to you all and I must say, it is so nice to be back home - in America!

I think this is my favorite quote!

2009-01-14T09:01:00.001-08:00

I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I’m under the table, four I’m under the host.
Dorothy Parker